Ten Least Worst Crossovers

"Margin Of Error" (marginoferror) 09/30/2015 at 13:02 • Filed to: LISTS

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Here at Jalopnik, we hate crossovers. They are stupid vehicle driven by stupid people. They are ugly, inefficient, inherently flawed and they make us want to kill baby Pandas. Crossovers are like seafood; they are disgusting but some variety are a bit less repulsive. Popcorn shrimps for example aren’t that repulsive when dipped in Miracle Whip ..

So let’s looks at 10 of the popcorn shrimps in miracle whip of crossovers.

10 - Dodge Nitro

Inspired design and Jeep DNA, it stands out.

9 - Ford Flex

Basically a modern Buick Roadmaster wagon

8 - Tesla Model X

Tesla is bringing the low belt-line design back, plus you can play with the cool doors while you can’t use it because it’s charging.

7 - Volvo XC60 Polestar

Polestar, do I need to say more ?

6 - Saab 9-4X

Superior Swedish design and engineering, Unicorn status

5 - Mazda CX-7

Only a few inches and a manual transmission away from the elusive Mazdaspeed6 wagon of our dreams

4 - Mazda CX-3

An Inspired KODO design dipped in Mazda’s racing DNA

3 - Mercedes GLA45 AMG

Only for the wing and the decals

2 - Mazda CX-5

The Miata of crossovers

1 - Volvo XC90

The new XC90, when compared to its lousy competition, is a bit like Bono compared to the signer of Nickelback, clearly not in the same league.

random001 > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:08

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We have an XV Crosstrek, which Is meant as a Xover Vehicle, but really it’s just a lifted Impreza, so it’s more like a Wagon. But it’s not hateful.

HammerheadFistpunch > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:10

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Aside the fact that the nitro is an SUV and the CX-7 is one of the least reliable cars Mazda ever built. The GLA/Model X/Flex are marginally crossovers at best.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:12

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The Nitro is definitely a mid-size SUV, not a crossover.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:14

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This is so obviously a minivan.

HammerheadFistpunch > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:17

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“ Here at Jalopnik...”

nermal > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:17

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Meh. The Nitro, just like the Liberty it is based on, has not aged well at all. The 4x4 system is great. Beyond that, there’s a reason why they stopped making it. The interior was crap, as was the ride and handling, and it was slow and got poor mpgs.

So basically you won’t get stuck in snow or mild off-road conditions, but everything else about it was crap.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:21

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We aren’t Jalopnik. Change that shit

Margin Of Error > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/30/2015 at 13:21

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I don’t see any sliding doors

Nymphicus Hollandicus > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:21

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Dodge Nitro is just a rebadged Jeep Liberty that looks more manly.

Everything else seems about right, though the CX-7 is apparently unreliable. Now if I can get the Mazda CX-3 with a manual I’d be all over it, but I guess I could make do with its competitors (Jeep Renegade, Honda HR-V).

brian1321 > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman 09/30/2015 at 13:24

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To be fair, he can say whatever he wants.

Margin Of Error > Nymphicus Hollandicus 09/30/2015 at 13:25

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Shit I forgot about the Renegade

Margin Of Error > SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman 09/30/2015 at 13:26

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It’s in case it gets promoted to the front page.

Better be safe than sorry.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:27

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Neither do I.

Margin Of Error > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 09/30/2015 at 13:28

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These are wagons

wiffleballtony > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:30

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Classical crossover

Margin Of Error > random001 09/30/2015 at 13:30

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The XV crosstrek is not a crossover, it’s a rugged impreza

Margin Of Error > wiffleballtony 09/30/2015 at 13:32

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One of my favorite 90’s boys band !

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Nymphicus Hollandicus 09/30/2015 at 13:33

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FALSE

Nitro actually got a bigger engine than the Liberty.

4.0 V6 instead of the 3.7....you may have had to ask for it though haha.

CalzoneGolem > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:33

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Bono compared to the signer of Nickelback, clearly not in the same league.

But every bit as hatable?

shop-teacher > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:33

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The CX-7 should be removed and replaced with ... anything. They are the least reliable used car you can buy. Should you be considering buying a CX-7, do yourself a favor: find a hammer, then hit yourself in the head with it.

I’m no Mazda hater. We bought my wife a CX-5 last year, and I love that little thing to death.

m-b-w loves his SUBAROO > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:34

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The CX-3 is not a crossover, it’s just a rugged Mazda3

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:34

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So basically you’re just saying you like Mazda, Volvo, and amg.

Flex is ridiculously cooler and more attainable than a lot on this list.

shop-teacher > HammerheadFistpunch 09/30/2015 at 13:35

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You’re being too kind to the CX-7!

Crossovers are inherently hard to define. I think the GLA, Flex, and Model X all qualify.

duurtlang > CalzoneGolem 09/30/2015 at 13:37

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Besides, Bono isn’t exactly the greatest singer of all time. U2 made some great music (in the 80s and early 90s), but that’s not due to Bono being such a brilliant singer.

CalzoneGolem > HammerheadFistpunch 09/30/2015 at 13:37

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Also everyone loves the xc90

Margin Of Error > shop-teacher 09/30/2015 at 13:40

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That’s really suprising since it was at 90% the same car as a speed6, which is considered by many as a paragon of quality and reliability.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:54

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You are wrong.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:56

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Not from what I’ve heard on the subject.

Sam > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 13:57

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The XC-90 and Nitro are SUVs, though. A crossover is typically an SUV built on a car platform. That’s why the cross over.

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 14:01

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Nitro: SUV

Flex: Wagon

9-4X: SUV

XC90: SUV

Bono and Chad Kroeger: both equally lame.

Jalopnik: not OppositeLock

Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. > shop-teacher 09/30/2015 at 14:04

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The Flex doesn’t care about ride height, which makes it a wagon. The Model X is just weird enough to be allowed crossover status.

shop-teacher > Sir_Stig: and toxic masculinity ruins the party again. 09/30/2015 at 14:24

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Call it whatever you want, I love the Flex. It is the closest modern thing to the old B-body wagons. We almost bought one last year, but my wife decided she didn’t want something that big, so we went with a CX-5

Alex B > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 15:05

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No. The nitro is the most horrid thing to ever roam the street.

jvirgs drives a Subaru > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 15:19

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Yet it was the most unreliable car on the market. Pretty sure Doug’s RR Land Rover is more reliable.

jvirgs drives a Subaru > Nymphicus Hollandicus 09/30/2015 at 15:23

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Nitro came a year before the redesigned Liberty

mr2gud2u > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 16:40

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This is the first I have seen anything nice written about the Nitro.

WiscoProud > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 17:10

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The dodge nitro is a piece of shit in literally every metric. I actually liked the looks of them until I got one as a rental. Goddamnit I hated that vehicle. What a wheezy, asthmatic, clunky, piece of crap.

ranwhenparked > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 18:43

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Wasn’t the design brief on this to make it look like a ‘30s gangster car? I guess if you squint, you can kind of see it, but the Wrangler Unlimited probably does a better job without even trying.

sony1492 > Margin Of Error 09/30/2015 at 19:14

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Shocking

8 out of 10 crossovers that dont suck, arnt crossovers!

TheHondaBro > Margin Of Error 10/03/2015 at 00:23

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Superior Swedish design

It was a Cadillac SRX with a Saab face.

Devon lost his burner, understands electric cars don't require front grilles > Margin Of Error 10/03/2015 at 11:09

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Definitely the weakest minivan Peugeot ever made. It didn’t even have sliding doors.

Dr. Strangegun > Margin Of Error 10/03/2015 at 11:43

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Be straight with us. Did the brass contact you as follows?

“Hey Margin Of Error, do you have a post ready we could use as filler, it’s been slow and we need something in the next 10 minutes to keep post numbers level on the charts.”

...and you didn’t, and this was the result of 10 furious minutes of hunting down useable stock photos?

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Margin Of Error 10/03/2015 at 11:49

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I agree with most of this list. I’d replace the CX-7 with the Outback(lets be honest she ain’t a wagon anymore), and the GLA with... IDK but I hate the GLA, maybe just move it to tenth place.

Adam > Margin Of Error 10/03/2015 at 20:38

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Good night my sweet prince.

pjhusa > Margin Of Error 10/03/2015 at 22:54

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In terms of styling, the Model X is a mixed bag.

pjhusa > HammerheadFistpunch 10/03/2015 at 22:55

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You win the Game of Jalop.

Nick > shop-teacher 10/19/2016 at 22:30

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I certainly like many Mazda cars (mostly the racing ones), but the crossovers are not among them. I can see that it is on of the least worst, but to love a thing lie that to pieces? I feel the crossover craze has been hitting for too long.